I am officially 6 weeks away from my due date. I am so excited to meet our little man and start the next section of our lives but I am also scared. Whenever I tell anyone I’m nervous the first thing they say is “you have nothing to be nervous about”. I know they mean it as words of comfort but I will have to agree to disagree. Our entire lives are about to change and we will have a tiny person relying on us to keep him alive and healthy, all while forming him to be a self-sufficient and good person. If that isn’t scary then I don’t know what is. It is not a fear that makes me in any way less excited but it does make my brain race in the middle of the night.
I find writing things down therapeutic – so here are my top fears as a first-time mom (With baby’s due date approaching quickly!).
- Labor – Yes, this is terrifying to me. Who isn’t scared of being in pain? I think labor is so intimidating because everyone has a different labor experience and no one can quite explain the pain. We move into the unknown and that makes me nervous. To my surprise, I am not concerned about having a bunch of nurses and doctors looking between my spread legs. At first I thought I would be shy about being on public display but as I have moved through this pregnancy I realize I couldn’t care less. They have seen it all before and at the end I get my baby boy.
- A healthy birth – More than my personal pain, I am worried about something going wrong with the labor or birth. The cord wrapping around the neck or baby being breech. I have no control over these things but that doesn’t stop my pregnant brain from thinking about every possible scenario. I have a very caring doctor and I just remind myself to put confidence in my doctor and the fantastic nurses that will all be there to help if anything doesn’t go according to plan.
- Breast feeding – If you had asked me before I was pregnant if I was intimidated by breast feeding, I would have laughed and said of course not… it seemed natural and easy on TV. Then you start learning more about breast feeding and how not all babies latch, some mothers can’t produce milk, it can be painful and exhausting. TV didn’t show those things! I would like to breast feed but I am doing my best not to put pressure on myself, just in case things don’t work out. I have friends that breast fed and friends that didn’t – a fed baby is still a fed baby!
- Keeping him alive – I know babies aren’t as breakable as they look but you still see the freak articles about SIDS, or a baby choking on a small toy. I don’t have a ton of experience with babies making a lot of the unknown intimidating. I remind myself daily that people all over the world have children and if they can figure it out so can we. I also remind myself that, as parents, we aren’t alone. We have two amazing sets of Grandparents ready to help and friends surrounding us that have gone through this before. If we don’t know how to do something we can always call in the troops for help.
- Keeping him healthy – Organic/Non-Organic, breastfeeding/formula, make sure to use baby detergent, be sure to do tummy time… there are so many choices and so many things to do or not to do that I can’t help but be overwhelmed. I want to do what is best for my baby but conflicting opinions combined with being new parents on a budget make the choices more difficult. This is when I remind myself that this is our baby, we can do what we believe is best. I’ll still do my research but at the end of the day it is my husband and I who get to decide. I don’t know if that knowledge is comforting but it does help me deal with all the incoming advice.
- Being a good parent – I already known I love my little man, every time I hear his heartbeat or feel him move, my heart wants to burst. Him being loved is not a concern. I am worried about raising him the right way. I want him to be a compassionate, loving human being and I also want him to have strong qualities, to help him provide for himself when he grows up. If I didn’t make him listen to Mozart in the womb, is it already too late for him? Because that is how I feel after I read some of these articles or talk to other mom’s. I want him to excel but I also want him to enjoy his childhood. Finding the balance with raising him is intimidating.
It is funny that I write all these fears but none of them even slightly hinder my excitement to meet our little boy next month. I worry and then I feel him kick and wiggle and can’t help but smile. I know that my husband and I will make mistakes along this journey and some of it will be stressful and painful but it will also be amazing and beautiful. We will do our best and love him through it all, because that is what we can control.
The 6 week countdown begins!